H1N1 at the Bank

Hello.

Hello, I'm trying to reach uh uh Brian.

This Brian.

All right, this is Alan uh of human resources over bank.

Oh, okay.

How you doing, Alan?

Um I'm pretty good.

Listen, um, giving you a call, my understanding is um uh Brian, let me make sure I got you what what what is your actual description at the job here?

Yeah, I'm a mortgage instructor at the bank up.

I basically take care of uh foreclosures, making sure people understand how to keep people out of foreclosure.

Okay.

Now, it's been brought to my attention here at the human resources uh headquarters that you uh have you Have you been a little sick, Brad?

Wait a minute.

What did you say your name was?

Alan Alan

Alan.

It is Sunday.

Do you you usually call people on Sunday from HR?

It's my understanding we're not even open.

No, no, we're not open, but we got a bit of a problem going on.

Uh you have you been under the weather lately?

Well, I have been under weather, but what's it have to do with you calling me on a Sunday?

Uh and I I'm gonna get to that.

Um my understanding is is that you've been you've been coughing a bit at the job.

Am I right about that?

Yeah, I've been coughing, and there's been a lot of people coughing.

What I mean, what's the point of you calling me though?

Okay, uh what's going on is uh you've been reported as doing a lot of coughing, and it's a lot of people seem to think that you're a lot of the employees there have turned your name in, and that's the reason why.

Whoa, man, reported by who?

What are you talking about?

Well, what's going on is w we seem to think that you might have H1N1.

Nah, man, I don't have none of them alphabets.

H1 and N one have any of that, man.

Why are you calling me today telling me I got H1N1?

Well, well, I I have to call you today because we don't want you to come in this week until we get you checked out.

Well, you know, I don't really need to be checked out, man.

I'm doing just fine.

All I need to do is take a little beneath drill.

I am good.

Uh and and I Brian, I understand that, you know, a lot of people are in denial.

A lot of people don't know really when they might uh actually carry this particular flu, H1N1.

Now what we need you to do is not come in, and unfortunately the reason why I'm giving you a call is the big problem is that we're not gonna be able to pay you this week that you're not in.

But we we will have you get you checked out and we'll let you know exactly when you can come back.

Uh you say you you're not gonna be able to do what now?

We're not gonna be able to pay you, sir, for the week that you're uh what you mean you're not gonna be able to pay me, man.

I got plenty of sick time.

I should be able to get paid whether I I got H one N one or whatever you saying I got it, or not.

I should be able to get paid.

Sir, I'm I'm just a messenger.

My understanding is that's the way we're doing it.

If you do carry this particular flu of what's going on, we're not gonna be able to pay you for the time that you're off.

We will we and I don't know if if if uh we can get the uh the vaccine in time so you can be back at work within a week but right now you know at least over forty employees have turned your name in that you're doing a lot of coughing at the job.

Hey man, I ain't doing a whole lot of coughing number one and secondly man I'm getting paid because I'm coming in to work.

I don't know.

You're not you're not

too old to I'm coming in to work.

Sir let me explain something to you.

You're not allowed into the job.

Now we don't want to see you there going against

the policy that we've already selected upon.

Hey man it ain't no policy that I can't come in to work man you don't allow show mine here man calling me on Sunday.

You said your name was Alan what Alan what now what's your last name

sir human resources headquarters out of Cleveland.

Hey I don't give headquarters my hey listen here Alan

I am coming in to work and I am going to train my class as usual.

Do you understand that?

Sir, you know you don't give me the orders, okay?

Now Brian what you need to do is pipe down and get it understood.

Let's try to get you taken care of, okay?

Let's try and get that cough out of your system because you know that you've been coughing at the job and you're scaring people.

Man, hey everybody coughing manybody scared how you gonna single me out is what I'm trying to figure out.

I'm I'm going to work Alan.

I'm going to you know what off the record I'm gonna say this to you.

I'm gonna say this off the record.

Don't bring your to the job.

Man what kind of way is that to talk to somebody don't bring your to the job you said human resources.

Don't bring your ass and don't we have an antix code of conduct around there what are you talking about?

Don't bring your to work.

I mean you can't be calling nobody cussing at nobody damn employees you call them cussing you what the hell wrong with you

going on with this company.

Hell you allow so fine I tell you what I bet you I'll be at work.

Matter of fact I'll come to Cleveland and whoop your f calling me who the hell you think this is

Sir all I'm telling you is we cannot allow you into the Building on tomorrow until we get you rectified that you do not have H1N1.

Sir, me, I tell you what, you better tell security they need to be on night watch.

Cause I'm gonna be up in the early in the morning.

I'm coming an hour early, and me and my man, you guys be at your desk.

And I tell you what, you gonna get your whoop if you show up at this building.

Oh, yeah, what you I wish you would try to whoop my f I tell you what, I bring my boy, me and my father come down there.

We beat your hell wrong with the biggest.

We don't want you coming up to the job contaminating everybody with H1N1, because we know you are the one that has it.

But I don't H1N1, man.

If I had it, I'd rub that on your bot the hell wrong with you.

I got one more thing I need to say to you.

You got to say to me, I got something to say to you though.

Are you listening to me?

Well, I can listen to sh, man.

You listen to me.

I'm telling you, I'll come to work.

I got one more thing I want to say to you.

Are you listening?

You go right ahead.

His nephew Tommy from the Steve Harvey morning show.

You just got pranked by your homeboy, your co-worker.

Say, man, I'm I'm being d when I see him.

I'm gonna come out here you up too, man.

Way too much, man.

I'm trying to watch the cowboys, man.

Look at this.

Man, hey man, don't for H1N1, man.

Come on, man.

Man, I was coughing the wings and I ain't know if I had it or not.

Y'all change.

Hey man, one more question, man.

What is what is the baddest?

I'm talking about the baddest radio show in the land.

The Steve Harvey morning show.

You know it, man.