Black Baby Prank

And now, a feature presentation.

This is it.

Five.

Four.

Here it is, y'all.

Here it is, y'all.

Y'all been waiting on it.

Y'all been anticipating.

Been talking about it.

Been asking me.

You don't call my personal number.

What the hell wrong with you?

I can't get y'all off of me.

Y'all been waiting for it.

Come on.

Tell me.

When you gonna do it, you got something better than you.

Emailing.

Come on, don't do me like that in front of you.

When you gonna put it out there?

Since you're so bold like you, uncut, unsensitive.

I ain't closed with you yet.

This is the coldest mother.

Uh uh, hold up, Carol.

Uh-uh, uh-huh.

Don't beat that.

Don't beep that.

This is uncut and uncensored.

This is the baddest spring old call C D in the land.

Uh, is you yelling at me?

I said it.

I ain't taking none of it back.

Don't call my motherfucking house no more.

I got 20 tracks for you.

I believe this conversation is old.

Don't hang up on me.

Uncle Steve, wish he could be here cussing with me on the street.

Whatever, they're listening like your motherfucking ass started.

Now, get your kids and put 'em up.

I done put my hand up.

And then you got to know to put my bottom motherfucker.

I ain't listening to it either.

I'm telling you, this ain't rated.

How do you get my goddamn number?

It ain't rated PG 13 either.

You stupid motherfucker.

We're not gonna fall for a banana in the tail.

You're not gonna fall for the banana in the tail type.

Jack is rich.

The white man that signs his check is wealthy.

White people hope things don't go wrong.

Black people don't hope we wish.

We wish a motherfucker would be an ice.

I prank everybody.

I prank Latinos, Caucasians, Asians, black people.

Tommy don't discriminate.

I go get 'em all.

So right here, I call a white guy and I let him know.

Your wife is having my black baby.

Hello.

Uh hello, I'm looking for a uh William Kniffer.

This is Mr.

Clifford.

Uh, how you doing?

Listen, my name is Bunno Simmons.

I was um I don't know how to uh oh man.

My wife and I evidently go to the same um fertility specialist that you and your wife go to, Dr.

uh Dr.

You familiar with Dr.

Snake?

I'm familiar with Dr.

But that's supposed to be confidential.

Yeah, I'm aware of that as well, sir.

My wife is out on business right now.

She's she's gone for won't be back until Tuesday, but Uh I got a call today, a very disturbing phone call, and wanted to you know, I looked your number up.

They did tell me what what was going on and kind of wanted to let you.

Somebody told you my number, you got you got my number from somebody?

No, I I I looked up your number.

Uh

here here it here it is, Victor Symphony in the nutshell.

My wife and I evidently we you you and you and your wife have g been going through the same type of problems of trying to get pregnant and and so forth and so on.

And uh from my understanding, your wife is what, four, five months pregnant or I'm I'm not sure.

Yeah, well wait a minute.

Yeah, my wife is exactly five months pregnant, but I I'm still confused on how you're getting in touch with me and what this has to do with me.

Well I mean, all that stuff that we've gone through is totally confidential, and I I'm kind of uh uh offended that you're calling me.

I understand that.

Well, what's what's happening is um I got a phone call from the doctor's office today.

Uh you know, oddly, to get a call on a Sunday, you know, you it kind of raises a red flag.

But um I got a call and it seems like there's been a huge mistake by the doctor's office.

Evidently, your wife has been artificially inseminated with my seed.

And I I I I was What?

I mean, I I'm just as disturbed as you are.

You know what I mean?

Because I I mean me and my wife are you know, my wife is two months pregnant, and finally how could they do something like that?

I mean that that doesn't make any sense.

I mean Sir, I I I have no idea.

All I know is is that you know, I I hate to to use the expression, but I'm I'm I'm your wife's baby's daddy.

And and

no, okay okay, okay, wait a minute.

Uh I I no no no

that didn't happen that doesn't happen.

No way.

Sir, I'm trying to make sure I bring the news to you and see if there's anything that we can do to uh I mean, I mean, after being five months pregnant, it's kinda hard to rectify the problem.

So I Okay, I and I don't want this to sound rude and I don't want to sound wrong.

You said baby daddy, are you black?

Uh yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

You're fucking black and my wife is gonna have a fucking black baby.

Well, yeah, your wife is gonna have a black baby, but what I want you to know is I'm not paying no damn child support.

That's what I'm not fucking worried.

You're fucking worried about child support?

And my wife is fucking having some other black dude's kid.

Are you fucking crazy?

No, I'm not Are you out of your mind?

No, I'm not out of my mind.

I'm just saying, I didn't l lay down and conceive a child with your with your wife, so I'm making sure I'm not finna be paying no damn child support.

Man, I'm not even worried about the fucking child support.

I'll pay the fucking child support.

I'm worried about some doctor making a fucking juice mistake and and and oh my God.

Your wife is having gonna have a black baby.

I can't believe that

this is unbelievable.

It's unfucking believable.

And I can't believe you'd even fucking call my fucking house.

What?

And give me this fucking news.

The doctor should give me this fucking news.

Well don't you want it?

It doesn't matter who gives you the news as long as you get the news.

Now what I want you to do is this.

Please don't be giving the baby no white names and stuff.

White fucking names.

I can't believe that you're you're so this is incredible.

This is fucking incredible.

Oh my gosh.

Oh calling me on fucking Sunday giving me the I'm I'm ready to go fucking beat somebody's ass right now.

This is fucking crazy.

This is crazy.

Okay.

You see what I'm saying?

This is already there.

You're worried about me about paying child support and talking about your seed and and your baby's daddy and all this shit.

Oh man, this this is bringing the best out of me, I can promise you.

Unfucking believable, man.

Let me let me ask you something, sir.

Do you think you may need anger management?

I mean, you're not gonna

Are you gonna you're not gonna You're not gonna beat my child, are you?

Oh no.

Oh man.

You you know how to push man's buttons, I can promise you, man.

That's fucking crazy.

No, I ain't gonna fucking beat nobody's baby.

I you fucking crazy.

You're you're you're

I don't want you being violent to me and your wife's baby.

Oh, spin this thing around, huh?

Man, what where the fuck do you live, man?

Who the fuck is this?

Okay.

Who the fuck is this?

Because I oh man.

This is fucking crazy.

Well, here's what I'm gonna ask you.

Do you think you might want to be the godfather to the child?

To my own kid?

No.

Well, I guess it wouldn't be my kid because the children's gonna be a good one.

God damn you, don't you fucking say that, you fucking crazy bastard.

Don't you fucking say that.

Don't you fucking say that?

That drives me fucking nuts even thinking about something like that.

It's me.

But it's me and your wife's child.

No, it ain't you and my wife.

It was a fucking mistake.

So don't you even fucking talk like that, you fucking crazy bastard.

I'll fucking tear a hole in your head.

Don't you talk like that.

Okay, okay.

You're gonna tear a hole in whose head.

In your head, you crazy bastard.

See that follow me up.

This is the kind of thing I don't want my child around.

This kind of this type of talk.

This type of violence.

See, you white folks get mad and want to kill everybody in the room.

What you kill who you mad at?

Why do y'all do that?

God damn you.

God damn you.

Who the fuck is this, man?

Can I can I can I say one more thing to you?

Can I do that?

I don't know if I can take any more news from you, man.

I'm fucking ready to just jump through the phone.

I got one more thing to say to you.

This is nephew time from the Steve Harvey morning show.

You just got pranked by your wife's.

Oh

I'm gonna beat her ass, man.

Fucking gonna kill that.

Don't beat her ass.

She's pregnant, sir.

I'm not gonna beat her ass, man.