Hardware Store Body Disposal

This is nephew Tommy from the Steve Harvey morning show.

Your girl, Brianna, got me to prank phone call you.

This is a prank.

Oh man, your girl got me to prank you, man.

She said, You gotta prank my boyfriend.

All you gotta do is say something about me and he's gonna go straight crazy.

Oh my God.

Get the f out of here.

Come on, bro.

I love y'all show, man.

Why do y'all gotta do me like that?

And I got one more question, man.

What is the baddest and how many the baddest radio show in the land?

That's the Steve Harvey morning show.

Come on, man.

You know that.

Uh Robbie, I'm trying to uh get a uh order in for some construction uh supplies I need to pick up.

That's fine.

What's your what's your company?

Uh

roofing company.

Okay, have we have we done listening to these before?

No, no, you have.

This is my first time calling.

I heard you guys were pretty good.

I appreciate the compliment.

Okay.

Now listen, uh, I need to get this as soon as possible, man.

Can I possibly pick up these supplies like in the next couple of hours?

Uh well, you know, normally it don't work that fast.

Kind of a quick turnaround.

We got a little bit of a backup, but I can I can do my best and stuff.

Depends on what you need.

Okay, here's here's what I need, man.

I need five rolls of duct tape.

Okay, that's no problem.

That's quick.

Okay.

I need plastic, man.

Listen, if if you was gonna wrap up something in plastic that's like about uh six foot two in height and two hundred pounds, how much plastic you think I would need to wrap to wrap that up here?

You're asking for plastic, like a roll of plastic?

Yeah, but I'm talking I need to wrap up something that's six foot two and like two hundred and ten pounds.

Uh I probably get about three yards, four yards of plastic.

Okay, okay, I need to get that.

Now let me ask you this here.

If you if you was gonna try to uh put some cement on that to hold it down.

How much semen you think are holding that down?

I'm I'm a little confused.

You you're running a roofing company, right?

Yeah, I'm a roofing company, but I'm doing a little side work for some friends of mine.

Oh, okay, okay.

I just got a little confused 'cause you told me it's a taller different company.

No problem, no problem.

You got some men.

Wait a minute, you're you're you're trying to hold something on for the uh I'm gonna hold something down.

So how many bags of cement do you think I need to hold out something that's two hundred and twenty pounds?

Wow, uh, I don't know, eight bags?

Eight bags.

Eight bags.

Eight bags I would recommend at least.

Okay, okay.

Give me eight bags of cement.

Now, uh this is something else I want to ask you.

Do you have anything any type of cleaner man that can get uh that can get blood I mean uh paint off the floor?

Yeah, we got industrial cleaners.

I mean all kinds of industrial cleaners that what is it paint?

Is it paint or blood?

Uh uh paint, paint, paint.

Oh, okay.

No, I mean I've got industrial cleaners all kinds.

I mean do you have a preference?

No, just whatever you could throw in there.

I need that.

Now let me ask you this here.

D do you have anything that can like just kill a smell?

You know what I'm saying?

If if you know if you don't want something to smell, you got anything for that?

Wait a minute.

Tell me tell me something die in your place?

Is this is it something something did you is there an animal or something you found?

I mean, I'm I'm kinda confused.

You're talking about smelling cleaning up.

Did you find some sort of animal on a construction?

Hey, hey hey, Robbie, listen, man, just take the order.

That's all I need you to do, okay?

Okay, no, that's I I'm sorry, I wasn't asking your business.

I just it was a little concerned.

What are we getting?

What are we cleaning up and what do we I mean, I guess uh are we cleaning up a style form to clean up carpet?

I mean, what's the what's the cleaner form?

What's the what where's the odor?

Okay, sir.

All I'm asking you is do you have something strong enough?

Like do you think ammonia can can keep a smell down?

What do I need to keep a smell down?

You're definitely gonna need ammonia.

I mean, you you gotta get something that's just scrub that right down.

Whatever what have you got it?

You probably have to a different t type of deodorized just something for the carpet, something for the walls.

I mean, I don't I don't I I guess I guess it's kinda confused as to as to Where the sense coming from.

Right, I don't worry about all that, man.

Hey, man, listen, just just write down what the order is, okay?

Uh I got it.

You I got the five old deduct tape.

I got to pull out that's the four yards of plastic.

I think the eight bags of cement, I got the industrial cleaner, I got the ammonia.

I'm I'm I'm I'm typing it all in.

I got I got your order.

Okay, let me uh I just said a man.

Do y'all have uh uh any type of machete?

Anything that's real sharp, that can click what?

Okay, okay, hold hold on a second.

Now now you're completely off base.

You do realize you call the hardware store, right?

I'm I'm calling the hardware store because I need some supplies, man.

I'm doing the job on the side, I need some supplies.

I get that.

You t you said that already, but all I'm confused about is now you're asking for a weapon.

What what what would you use the machete for?

I mean, uh you're you're talking about uh uh what?

You you're gonna chop down some some some brush?

I don't I don't I don't get it.

What what's the machete for?

Hey man, listen, listen your job is to take the order, man.

That's your job, Robbie.

Don't tell me what my job is.

I know what my job is.

This is my store, man.

Okay, I've been working here a lot longer than you've been imagined.

And people don't call up asking for ammonia and and cleaner and and and trying to get a smell out.

I mean, what I just I'm trying to figure out how best to help you.

I'm sorry, but I'm just gonna be.

What I'm doing, Robbie, is you're being nosy.

You're being nosy.

All you gotta do is spill the order and have it have it done in two hours when I get there.

That's all you gotta do.

I can't do that in two hours.

I I I can't even I I I I will back up with this.

I'm not even sure I can get this done in tomorrow morning.

How did tomorrow morning look for you?

Oh man, I got to get rid of this body.

I got to get rid of this guy today.

Oh, wait, whoa.

Whoa.

I need to call listen, I need to call the police, man.

You can say body.

Listen, all you need to do is spill the order.

Okay, okay.

You're listening, I need to tell you something, okay?

And I I don't know if you're if you found a body, I don't know if you're responsible for the body.

Either way, I don't want to be any part of this business.

Okay, I don't know what you're planning or where you're trying to bury this thing, but you're basically asking me to be the complex something that's none of my business.

Hey, I need your name right now, okay?

I'm not giving you my name.

Hey, hey, listen to me.

Are you I'm not I'm not Hey man, let me tell you something.

Why you white folks always trying to be a third tank like that?

Why you always acting like folks?

What's the problem?

I'm a purple, green, black, blue, whatever.

Tell me what is what you asked the f that sounds but you're body.

Okay, that's what I'm thinking.

Are you and drive?

What is your name?

I need your name.

Hey, man, well, first of all, you at work.

You got you can't you ain't supposed to be talking to me like this.

I don't care if I'm swearing at work.

My cut my my co-workers, you know they all know who I am.

And they know if I was talking to someone, and I'd be talking like this too.

Okay?

I'm gonna trace this call.

You hear me?

I'm gonna trace this call.

I'm gonna get the cops on your ass and figure out who the f you are.

Okay, okay.

Well, let me let me ask you this.

Since you want to know who I am, do you know Marcus?

I don't watch

Marcus.

He works here.

Man, how are you doing?

Okay, Marcus is who got me to call you.

This is nephew Tommy from the Steve Alvey Morning Show, Robbie.

You just got pranked by your co-worker, Marcus.

You have got to be kidding me.

Marcus, Marcus, I see you over there.

I see you fool.

I can't believe that.

You son of a f Marcus, why'd you come to this?

Hey, I gotta ask you, Robert, you gotta tell me this, man.

What is the baddest, and I mean the baddest, radio show in the land.

How are you doing, Miss?

I'm calling on behalf of uh the university.

We're very interested in your son, Devin.

He's been playing some good football.

Well, I tell you what, I'm gonna cut to the chase.

I'm gonna tell you something.

George University wants to offer Devin a uh full ride on the Triple K Scholarship.

I don't know if you know about it, but your university is out, Georgia.

We want to get that young man up here, then this is probably best time to give you a call, being uh weekend right before the Super Bowl or leading right into it.

I tell you what, we want to put it all from the table that we know he can't refuse.

Uh well that's that sounds pretty good.

Uh what does that be meaningful by?

Well, we're gonna take care of everything, man.

What that means is uh Devin's gonna leave here with an education.

You can rest assured that he's gonna have a bachelor's degree when he walks out of here.

And I was if that's important to you, you don't have to worry about it.

We're gonna take care of Devin.

And I tell you something, Devin is gonna be the first, and I mean the first, uh, to have his own apartment.

He's gonna have uh his own vehicle to go back and forth to school as well as practice.

Wait, uh wait a minute, wait a minute.

Well, he's gonna have an apartment, man, where all to himself he'll be able to live on his own and have his own privacy.

We're gonna lay this whole thing out for Devin because we really, really like the way that young man's playing football.

I'm gonna let you know this.

It's the first time we've given out a triple K scholarship.

And me being a head coach as well.

You say he's gonna have an apartment at uh

thing laid out for him.

Wait, is that is that me?

Uh that we're gonna make this thing legal, man.

What it is, is he's not gonna, he's not gonna listen to me now.

He's not gonna own the car.

We're not gonna do a thing that's gonna go against any rules or regulations.

I can guarantee you that.

Uh, what's your name again?

I'm coaching.

Uh okay, coach.

Let's go back a little bit.

Let me ask you a little bit more about this apartment.

Where did you say this apartment's gonna be located?

Uh well the apartment's actually it's it's off campus, man.

Oh, campus.

Isn't it better for him to be on campus?

Well, it would be, but uh like I said, we're gonna give him his own privacy.

There's a whole apartment building.

It's it's it's actually uh a complex, and it actually used to be

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Uh part of the time from a plantation.

Well, it used to be a plantation years uh years ago it used to be that.

You say this uh that may be true.

But okay, some things may have been performed.

Uh well, we really want them to have an education.

I'm gonna tell you something.

Your son is gonna receive the best education and in and labor relations that I can get for.

And I promise you.

How do you know what he going for?

How you just gonna pick his his career?

How you just gonna pick him up?

Is there so is there a certain field that he will that never wants to go in?

Oh, yeah, it is, but uh, I I just need to know how you want to pick out what he wants.

He don't want to be in no labor relations.

My thought that maybe, you know, doing uh field work or agriculture major

wait a minute, and you gonna have him on a plantation?

Let me let me ask you this.

Uh is the coach Yes, ma'am.

Okay, what is actually the background of your scholarship?

I don't heard of every other one.

I done heard of Jack and Jill, uh there's Rose Fargo, there's you know Motors, and uh the uh Vanguard, uh G C C Army Scholarship.

I but I ain't never heard and it maybe McDonald's.

I never heard of no triple K.

So give me a little bit more about what you are about.

What's your school going on offer exactly for my son?

Now uh now, Miss Janice, I don't want you to get riled up about this, but I'm gonna tell you something that uh that like I said, he will be the first recipient, but tri try K is actually the uh uh clue clue clan scholarship, because they're trying to do better.

What what

we it is a is a clue clue clan scholarship is what it is.

But let me tell you something, they just tell me the clue clue's clan, is that what you're telling me?

Yes, ma'am, but like I say, it's a full ride, you know, and he's gonna be able to get a great I don't give a f about no full ride.