Bring me some toilet paper

Hello, hello, I'm trying to Charles. I'm looking for Charles. Yeah, this shot it. Oh, I'm sorry Luna. There's Johnny

How can I help you? Hey, listen, uh, I'm you by who am I speaking with? I'm sorry. This is Scotty man

I'm mom. I'm house sitting for Rita

Y'all okay. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. She told me she was going out town. What can I do for you brother?

Yeah, I'm in the house. Four or five houses?

Yeah, I think, let's see. Yeah, we four houses down.

Okay. Now, she left me a number, man.

Left me y'all number, and then she left Miss Doris number.

I tried to call Miss Doris, but then nobody answered the phone.

Yeah, she normally in church around this time.

Rita said she was going to be gone for a minute, so you say you down there?

Right, right, right.

Then she told me if I got an emergency or anything,

that I could reach out to y'all and call y'all.

Right, right, right.

Okay, are you busy right now, man?

I'm in the middle of cooking my wife some dinner, and got some meat on the grill, but other than that, you know.

Okay.

I mean, are you able to help me out with something right quick, or you got time for that?

Well, like I said, I'm in the middle of cooking.

If there's something I can help you with, you know, I don't mind coming down there and showing you or doing whatever it is that we need to do.

Okay.

Charlie, would you happen to have any paper, man?

Any paper?

Yeah.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I mean, if you don't mind, I'm sitting here, my legs ain't got none, I can't even feel my whole low body, man.

From butt down, I can't feel nothing, man.

My feet, everything that went to sleep on me.

Hold on.

Babe, this dude down here at Rita's house saying he want me to bring him some shit paper because he ain't got none sitting on the toilet.

Man, look at here, bro.

I'm in the middle of cooking.

I wish I could help you, but, you know, I can't come here.

You said you ain't but about four hours a day.

Can you just run down here right quick?

I mean, the back door open.

Say man, I understand all that you saying but like I said, I'm in the middle of cooking for my wife

We having a little special occasion cuz our keys and stuff gone and I can't just leave her like that just to come bring you

No shit paper. Now what I can't tell you to do is if Rita got one of them tiles or something

Man, I'm not using nobody tile like that disrespectful man. Okay. Hey, but lower your voice man

You calling me to help you and shit you acting like I caused you to not have no goddamn shit

All I'm asking for just ain't gonna take no more than two three minutes run down here right quick and bring the paper man

And then you get on back to your dinner. Well, what you would sound like what you need to do, bro

You said you had a murder. That's not the house or the dog

He got out or you had locked yourself out the house

But I'm not going to come down and bring you no shit paper because that don't sound like emergency

That's not like some personal shit

And furthermore you're in a bathroom just jump your ass out your clothes getting a shower wipe your hands out

So I'm not finna dog. That's like I say, I'm numb right now, man

some help if you don't mind. So you want me to come down

there and bring you some toilet paper and

pick your numb ass. You can't

get up off the goddamn toilet if I want to

help you motherfucking legs today. That's

why I'm trying to tell you I'm in an emergency

man. Okay well that

like I said man that don't sound like emergency

that seems like a little quick fix. Get

your drawers and shit and wipe

your ass with your drawers. Throw them holes away go get

you some most. I mean I'm not gonna walk

four houses down there to bring you

some toilet paper. Shit your legs

numb. How you gonna get up and open the goddamn door?

The back door is open. All you got to do is come in here and reach in here and pass me a roll of paper, man.

That's all I'm asking you to do, Mr. Charlie.

I understand that, but I'm not going to come down there and bring you no shit paper. I'm not going to bring you...

Man, bring me some damn paper down here, man. I told you my body's numb, man.

Say, man, who the hell you think you hollering at? You need me. I don't need you.

Well, won't you do something, man? You see I'm sitting here in a situation.

Now, Rita left y'all a number that y'all will help me while I'm down here house watching, man.

Don't call me asking me to bring you some goddamn newspaper

I told you that I was in the middle of fixing me and my wife some dinner you come calling me talking about some goddamn shit

Paper man, I don't want to hear no shit about no goddamn shit, and I ain't coming down there to bring you no shit paper man

Hello Charlie's you're gonna bring this paper man man look like I told you before I said to bring you no goddamn shit paper down

There we don't wipe no asses on this street. I hold on man. I can't just you can't just leave me here

no grown man no toilet paper because he is responsible when he go into the

restroom that sound like a partner problem you you too wrong for that

you're not just a situation though this is an emergency man man that don't sound

like no fucking emergency that sound like a fucked up personal problem that

you got going on when I get off of here man you piss me off with this shit I

don't give a fuck about you being pissed out man matter of fact soon as you get

your motherfucking ass up out of there you so motherfucking bad you come on

Now, the way I am, just like this here, and I'm going to whoop your ass for not helping me while I'm in a situation.

So, well, bring your shitty ass on.

I got one more thing I need to say to you that I'm going to do.

Is you listening?

Bring your shitty ass on.

I got some snakeskin shoes that fit right up in your ass.

Clean up all that shit.

I got one more thing.

Is you listening?

Man, what the fuck, man?

Like I said, what the fuck you got to say, man?

This is Nephew Tommy from the Steve Harvey Morning Show.

You just got pranked by your neighbor, Rita.

Ain't this a bitch?

That motherfucker from the radio station

Is this Tommy from the Steve Harvey Morning Show

I'm a whoop-reader motherfucking ass

Got you calling my motherfucking house

Man, you had me motherfucking

I was gonna come down there, man

And break that motherfucking door down and whoop your ass

You better be glad I'm eating

I can't believe this shit

Man, you had me

I'm putting on my shoes as I was talking to you

I'm coming down there for real

Hey, man, I gotta ask you, man, one more thing.

What is, what is the baddest, I'm talking about the baddest radio show in the land?

The Steve Harvey Show.

Y'all playing practical jokes on folks, man.