Burglar's Medicine

Alright, this is a good one.

It's a home run hitter, y'all.

This is where I call a young man and tell him, hey, I apologize for breaking into your house the other day.

But I did leave my medicine in there.

Do you mind if I get my medicine?

That's right, y'all.

I left my medicine in your house.

Hello.

Hello, my speaker Clarence.

Yeah, this he.

Who is this?

Hey, Clarence.

Uh uh, hey, my name is Sherman, dog.

Uh your house is the one that uh uh got broke into last week, right?

Yeah, man.

Just waiting on the police to get back with me.

Tell me if they found these people or not, man.

So now hold on.

What's your name again now?

Sherman.

Sherman.

Thurman.

Sherman.

Thurman.

How you hear about it?

Oh no, you know, I I stay uh a couple streets over.

Everybody in the neighborhood kinda heard that uh y'all here got broken on.

Yeah, man.

Everybody been kind of kind of real good around here, man.

It just don't make no sense, man.

You go out here and work hard for stuff, and then you know, people just do you like this, man.

It just I'm just glad it wasn't nobody hurt, man.

My wife and my son, they they alive, and that's you know, that's the best thing, man.

So you know, uh try not to cuss with some shit like this happen, you know.

Uh I understand, man.

I I you you stay a couple streets over, you say?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, hey, let me let me let me say this to you, man.

I I I want to say first of all, I I hate what happened.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, man.

And uh I I do, man.

I you know, and I'm glad your your family and stuff.

Yeah, I appreciate it, man.

Well

hey man, can I just can I just say this here, man?

Uh and I don't really know how to say it, but uh I

I was I was with the two dudes that had broken there.

I I was with them when they did that.

Okay, you nigga, did you just say you was with the niggas that broke in my house?

So nigga, nigga, you broke in my house.

No, see no, see see that's why I'm see that Clarence, that's what I'm calling you trying to tell you.

I was trying to talk them out of it.

You know what I'm saying?

Well, what the fuck happened, nigga, because they did the shit.

I couldn't talk them out of it.

But you know, I was in there, but I wasn't in there taking nothing is what I'm saying.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Well who was in here taking it then?

And I can't I can't be doing I can't do that.

I can't see I ain't trying to get in the middle of that.

No, no, no, nigga, you c you can do that.

You just call my goddamn phone.

Oh, you can tell me who broke in here.

You was one of the niggas.

Who else wasn't with you?

That that ain't this that ain't even the reason why I called, man.

I I don't I don't give a damn what the reason you called me.

Nigga, you called me.

Motherfucker broke him.

Nigga, who who was with you?

Who was with you?

Man, I I Nigga, as a matter of fact, what street you stay on.

Let me say this to you, man.

This reason why I called.

See, when we was in there, and then they they starred screaming and hollering at each other, then saying we got to hurry them get out.

You know, like I say, I was in there trying to talk them out of that.

Nigga, I don't give a shit if you tried to talk them into it.

You broke into my this motherfucker broke in my house.

You nigga, got the goddamn audacity to call me.

Okay, but listen, man, listen, listen, listen to me, man.

The fuck I'm listening to you for, nigga.

While I was in there, man, and and you know, they was we was getting out of there in a hurry, I actually left I I I my

uh my pills fell out of my pocket.

My bottle of pills, man, my medicine.

And I don't I don't got no more refills on it, man.

And I need my melt.

That's why I'm calling you to see if you don't mind me coming back over there to get my p.

Nigga don't give a fuck about your medicine.

Nigga, I mug this motherfu nigga, who gives a shit about I tell you what.

I tell you, nigga, this motherfucker asked me about some goddamn medicine.

No, I was just caught up in a bad situation, man.

Nigga, I I swear to God, if I see you over here, I swear to God, I'm gonna beat your ass.

I'm gonna beat your ass, nigga.

You better be glad my motherfucking son wasn't in my goddamn house.

Man, listen, man.

I'm not trying to get in have no problems with nobody.

I just need my medicine, man.

Fuck your medicine, nigga.

You got problems with me.

I don't have no more refills on that medicine.

I need my medicine.

I'll get sick.

Nigga, I tell you what, I tell you what.

Come come get your motherfucking medicine.

You know exactly where I stay at.

I'm gonna have the goddamn front door open.

You ain't got to break in this time.

Come get your goddamn medicine.

I swear to God, bitch, you're gonna need more than just that goddamn medicine.

Go put something on your ass.

I swear to you.

Nigga, you was with the motherfuckers.

That's the point.

Ow, this mother bring them niggas too.

Tell them niggas to help you come get your goddamn medicine.

So all I wanna do is get my medicine and be through with this.

That's all I'm trying to say to you.

I ain't trying to start no trouble with you.

Nigga, fuck niggas, start no goddamn trouble.

Bitch, you broke into my goddamn house.

You know what?

I tell you what, I all nigga, this motherfucker here.

I tell you what, come get the medicine.

Come come come get the medicine right now.

I'm at home.

What street you stay on, nigga, I'll bring it to you.

Say, man, I'm not finna go back and forth arguing with you, man.

I'm finna come over there and get my medicine, and me and you're gonna be through with each other.

Nigga, you ain't got to go back and forth, motherfucker.

I tell you what, come on over here, get your goddamn medicine right now.

This evening, you're gonna need some more motherfucking medicine.

They're gonna come break in my goddamn house, nigga.

Nigga, you broke into my shit.

Nigga, I take care of my wife and my kids in this house.

I understand that.

And I will not be back in your house after I get my medicine.

Nigga, who the fuck is you hollering at?

Dog, I I tell you what, you no, no, no, no.

You ain't gonna be back in my house after you get this goddamn medicine.

Nigga, you're gonna have a permanent new residence, nigga.

I swear to God, you're gonna be living in the cemetery.

Listen, I got one more thing I need to say to you before I get over there.

If you listen to me, say that shit on your way over here.

I'm gonna say it.

I'm on my way now.

Um I got one more thing I need to say is you to say bitch will say it then.

That's his nephew Telly from the Steve Hobbit morning show.

You just got pranked by your sister Bray.

Hello?

Nigga, who the fuck is this?

Hey man.

Hey Claire, this nephew Tommy man from the Steve Hobbit morning show.

Your sister Bree got me to prank you, man.

Boy, you you mother f oh you niggas play too goddamn much.

I don't believe this.

He said, Come on, call him and get it.

You know what?

Yeah, you damn near had you a well with bath.

Oh man, boy y'all wrong for this here.

Oh man.

Hey man, let me ask you something.

What is?

What is the baddest radio show in the land?

It is the Steve Harvey morning show.

Listen, bro.

Hey, and if the niggas that that broke in my house is listening, nigga, uh, you can come back over here.

If you left your medicine, come on, come back and get it.

I'm at home right now.

If they listen, they can come on back over there now.

Yeah, right right now.

Bring your ass.

Boy, y'all wrong for that.

Ooh, nephew tummy.

Name of the father.