Funeral at the Wedding

It's time to get married.

Now, one of the greatest days when you're walking down that aisle.

It is the beautiful, beautiful moment for a bride.

And it is the groom's job to make sure that it is going to be a beautiful day.

For his bride to be.

So the last thing that this groom can get is receive a phone call saying there's going to be a funeral

at the church.

Same day of your wedding.

Here you go.

Hello, this Ryan.

Hi, I'm trying to Ryan, Ryan F.

How you doing?

Hey, I'm good.

This is Josh.

Josh over at the I'm one of the officials at the church where you guys are getting married tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah.

How you doing, man?

I want to thank y'all for that too, man.

We appreciate it.

Good, good.

Well, we definitely hope to make you a member here sooner or later since you guys are getting married, you know.

Hey, man, you know, I'm trying to get this work schedule changed up.

You know what I'm saying?

They got me working on Sundays now, man.

So uh as soon as I tweak that and move that around a little bit, I'll be there.

Okay, listen, we have a a bit of a situation that's come up.

We had some problems and and uh miscommunication and and it's definitely been on our side.

Uh they had your name, Ryan, down here with your phone number, as well as your your soon-to-be wife, Sonya.

They had her name here, but we we didn't want to call her with this.

We wanted to just uh reach out and talk to you and see if it just make you aware of what was going on, okay?

What what's going on, man?

There's been a mix up on on scheduling.

I don't know if you know sister Ola May G she passed away a week ago.

Oh you're not you're not a member of the church, so you wouldn't know her, but she's one of the one of the oldest uh members here at the church.

So the older May w passed away.

And uh what's going on is you all's wedding is tomorrow at twelve o'clock, right?

But the actual funeral is at three o'clock here at the church.

Okay, uh wh Shane again, brother What?

Josh, Josh.

Okay, look here, Brother Josh.

Um hey man, we we we already got this thing in motion, man.

We didn't send out damn near two hundred invitations, man.

I mean, God bless sister older maid.

And I understand that, but but but I mean, you know, she's well there's no way we could have moved it around.

Now the biggest problem, the funeral home is bringing the casket first thing in the morning.

So what I w what I wanted to make you aware of, and I d I didn't want you to tell your wife this, but the actual casket will be in the sanctuary, but we will have it.

Are you serious?

Now look here, man.

Y'all need to move this round.

I don't know what y'all gonna do.

Y'all have a fellowship all in the back or something like that.

Uh uh, Ryan, the only place we can actually put the casket if we didn't put it there is in the actual room that your your soon to be wife would be changing in.

That's the only place.

Are you kidding me?

And and you know what?

I understood that.

That's the first thing I thought of.

And I thought I said, let's just put the casket where it goes for the funeral, and we're gonna cover it up.

And see, basically you actually getting wow.

I can't even believe you calling me with this, man.

Look here, and excuse my French man.

Yeah, I I know I need to get back in the church.

I really do.

But right now, Doug, this ain't going down like this, man.

Now we didn't already pay the money.

That y'all we arrange something that a funeral gonna happen the same day as my wedding, and my wife got to get dressed in the room with a dead body.

Well no, we we not gonna put her in there, bro.

I like I say, I put I'm putting that body first thing in the morning.

I'm gonna put that body in the uh right there in front of the uh uh pulpit and we're gonna cover it.

Now what you're getting out of this you get more flour because there's gonna be flowers from the funeral.

So I'm thinking that's probably gonna be a little bit of a perk for you.

I just wanted you to be aware that it's probably gonna be more people than you think because some of the people that's gonna be at your wedding is really for the funeral.

Hey, hey, uh hold hold on man, are you fing serious right now?

Look here, Doc.

I done paid for this wedding to happen at this church, man.

Okay?

And no disrespect to the lady that is passed, God bless her family.

I ain't plan to not put no dead body having no d funeral at my wedding man.

That's crazy.

What the f is wrong with y'all down there?

She's a member of the church too.

I don't hey I don't give a damn about being no member of the church, man.

I done paid for this wedding and it's gonna happen tomorrow, man.

You're not fixing to put no dead body at my wedding.

What you

wrong with your head okay Mr Ryan Ms.

Ryan I mean no disrespect.

But the woman has passed.

She is not gonna get up.

I mean what what is the problem?

The problem is your call me with this name the day before my wedding and we didn't schedule damn near six months ago.

Gotta spend twenty five thirty thousand dollars on this wedding.

Okay?

And like you're gonna tell me that we got to share our wedding with a f funeral what the hell is wrong with you man.

Do you want to have your wedding at this church?

I paid for the what you mean won't I'm having a wedding.

Okay I tell you what let their body be up in the bar and I'm rolling the right out the street.

Y'all can sit out there in the front and and and and throw flowers while you throwing rice.

But we're gonna have a wedding inside the sanctuary tomorrow.

I promise you that sir I can't I cannot assure you that it won't be.

As I have no other place to put the body.

Okay well I bet you I found somewhere to put it if I get that a mark and it's a body in there it's gonna be a couple of bodies in there and I ain't you got two choices to move that damn funeral or to reimburse me back this thirty thousand dollars out an hour to spend.

Those only two choices I want to hear about meet me at the front door tonight with a thirty thousand dollar cashier check Oh, we said to have this wedding up in there tomorrow morning.

You heard me?

I ain't playing.

I ain't playing at all.

No jokes.

What the f is wrong with y'all, man?

You can do something else, man.

I understand that.

I don't want to hear no more from you, man.

All I'm saying is it's gonna be a d wedding at this church tomorrow without saying dead body.

That's all I'm saying.

Push that to the bank, man.

There's one more bit of an issue that I need to tell you also.

What the f can be worse than a dead body?

What issue can be worse than a dead body at my fed, man.

The issue, sir, that is worse than the dead body is this is Nephew Tommy from the Steve Harvey morning show.

Yo, best man Jeff got me to prank phone call you.

What?

Well but you know what, man?

The best man about to get the best open he can possibly get, man.

I ain't playing this and got me today before.

Well, this is to get the best beat down possible, man.

I'm telling you, he was about to be on 21 guns for Luke at Ola May funeral, man.

I can't believe I ain't recognized your voice, man.

Listen, you every day.

God dog, man.

Hey, one more question.

What's the baddest radio show in the land, Ryan?

The Steve Harbour morning show, babe.

Def you talk.