Campus Sex Tape

Hello.

Uh yes, I'm trying to reach Porsche.

This portion, who is this?

Hey, Portia, this is Malik.

Uh I'm with uh the Black Awareness Mission, bam, uh on campus.

Yeah, I know you what's up.

Okay, hey, uh uh

listen, you you s do you still date uh Devin?

You know I still date Devin.

What, like three years?

Of course.

Why?

What's up?

Wow.

Okay.

Hey, uh, you know, with with you know, with black awareness with BAM, you know, Black Awareness Mission, we always trying to make sure uh

uh we take care of our sisters, we make sure our sisters are well taken care of and treated with respect and the whole nine yards.

Okay, that's that's fine and dandy, but what's what's your point, Malik?

You're wasting my time.

What's going on?

Uh well, it's been brought to my attention and um some other members of BAM that um, you know, Devin has been bragging about some some sex tape that he's on with some girl.

And I thought some fuck a sex tape with who?

Okay, hold on, hold on, Porsche, hang on, hang on.

Uh you know, I wanted to call you first because I was like, okay, well, maybe him and uh him and Porsche maybe y'all ain't together no more or something.

I ain't know.

No, Malik, we are together.

You know that we're together.

Everybody knows that we're together.

So what's the sex tape?

Who's on it?

I uh you're confusing me.

What's going on?

Well, it's some sex tape inside that he's supposedly on, and he run around bragging about it.

I was like, ain't no way he's doing that.

I heard you, I heard you, but do you hear me, Malik?

Who's on the tape?

I think it's uh from what I'm understanding, I think it's Sean.

I think it's that girl named Sean.

Sean motherfucking no.

You talking about Sean the the drama major?

Yes.

Is that what you're talking about?

Oh no, see, I knew I knew that bitch was trying to get my motherfucking hand.

My ugly bitch about the go on her bitch, Sean.

Oh my god, wait till I fucking see this ugly ass, ratchet ass motherfucking hoe.

I swear to God, everything I fucking love.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, Porsche.

Porsche, come on now.

Hey, hold up, sister.

You got to stay strong and we don't want you to scoop into that.

He's got a motherfucking sex.

For real.

For real.

Ain't nobody got time for that.

For real.

With Sean?

Okay, but but listen.

But listen, listen, listen, listen.

Porsche, Porsche.

I'm trying to get you to be, you know, you gotta carry this out ladylike.

You don't need don't even stoop to that level.

Fuck that shit.

Fuck that shit.

She wasn't being lady like when she made a motherfucking sex tape, huh?

Ladies don't make motherfucking sex tapes now, do they?

With Devin?

Oh, for real, Dev?

Okay.

All right.

Thank you for that.

Okay, look, can I can I ask you something?

I mean, I know you're finna graduate and I w what's what's what's going on with you and Devin?

Wow.

He was supposed to be it.

You know what I'm saying?

Like we we met each other's families.

Wow.

What a fucking bitch who who ain't really got shit.

You know what I'm saying?

And I'm working my ass off.

I'm working my ass off for this man.

This man is supposed to be my man.

And he

wow.

Okay.

Hmm.

He had a fucking sex tape.

That's crazy.

That is so fucking crazy.

I gave them my life, my heart, everything.

And we fucking around.

I don't really know what to say.

I really don't.

I really don't even know.

Wow.

So we're supposed to be getting married, Melie.

That's what he tells me.

That's what he's telling my family.

That's what he's telling his family.

But he making fucking fucking tapes with an ugly, ratchet ass, stank ass hodo.

For real?

And she a fucking drama major.

What the fuck she about to do with that?

Huh?

Okay, okay, Porsche, listen though.

I mean, you know, since they did a tape, you know, if you want to, we could do one to get back at them.

What?

You caught me.

You caught me.

Talk about some women in powerment shit, but you trying to fuck me?

You know what?

Fuck you and your stupid ass organization, Malik.

Fuck you.

You ain't about shit.

Okay, can I can I alright?

Hey baby, can I say one more thing though?

Can I say can I say one more thing to you?

What the fuck do you want?

I just wanna tell you that Devin gave me your phone number to call you.

This is nephew Tommy from the Steve Arvin Morning Show.

Your boyfriend Devin

Your boyfriend Debbie got me the prank phone call you.

Oh, I'm not gonna really be his ass.

That's not funny.

That is not y'all got my blood pressure all up, got me angry.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

You told me.

Hey, hey, uh what you what you what you majoring in?

I'm a I'm a science major.

Okay, hey, hey, your boy Devin got it.

He loves you to death, though.

Devin loves you to death.

I'm glad because he was about to get messed up.

I love him too.

I love him too.

Hey, hey, one more thing, baby.

Tell me what's the baddest radio show in the land.

The Steve Harvey Morgan Show.

Hey, uh tell everybody that um I'm Malik and uh I represent Bam.

Okay.

Black awareness mission, all right.

You know what, Devon?

There is actually a Malik on campus, and that's who I thought you was, man.

Y'all real good.

Y'all good, y'all got me.

Got my blood pressure, and I gotta go take my medicine.