Postman at the Door

Hello.

Hello, I'm trying to reach Carlos.

Let's see.

Who is?

Uh, my name's Benny, man, Benny Phipps.

Hey, you uh I want to make sure I got the right person.

You you uh you work for a post office, right?

Uh yeah.

Okay, do you deliver mail off of Murphy Road?

Uh sometimes, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

I live at

first of all, I wanted to make sure I had the right postman.

Now, it's been brought to my attention that there's a postman that has been stopping by my house, and I'm I'm what I'm not understanding is why are you bringing mail to my door opposed to just putting mail in the mailboxes on the street where everybody got their mailboxes at?

Uh what do you say you say it again?

I live at a Murphy Road.

Murphy Road.

Yeah, I deliver over there.

Uh, but you say delivering packages at your house?

No, I said you've been bringing mail to my house and opposed here's what I'm trying to tell you, Carlos.

My wife is at home all day.

She don't work.

And my understanding is you've been stopping by there on more than one occasion on a on a daily basis.

You coming by there two, three times.

Uh you know, but what I'm understanding is ain't no mail being brought over there.

I'm trying to figure out what are you doing at my house.

Now what what what really didn't then brought all this to a head, because you already know what's going on.

Let me go on, let you know that, Carlos.

I do know what's going on.

I picked up the uh clothes from the cleaners this morning, and to my attention, it's a man's post office shirt in my package.

What color was it?

It's blue, light blue.

I got a blue one.

Okay.

Well, explain this to me.

How your shirt get in my house?

Do it have my name on it?

Because that could be anybody's shirt.

Okay, so so oh hold on.

What you trying to say?

It's some it's Mo Postman stopping by my house?

Yeah, man.

Sometimes sometimes, you know, uh we do have different guys in that in uh in that neighborhood, you know, because I really

is at home all day, every day.

And my understanding is that you stopping by there bringing more than just

First of all, though, uh, you can call you can call the one eight hundred number because how'd you get my number, dude?

Hey, I don't worry about that.

I I find ways uh how you how you how you get my address that you stopping by there every morning.

Huh?

I just deliver what they give me to the to deliver and do.

I put the mail in a box and this is a package.

I don't get out.

Excuse me?

I don't do that that that wasn't me, dude.

I I just

morning and pick up clothes and it is a post office shirt in there that belong evidently belonged to a man.

That's got to be it must be yours.

That's none of mine, man.

That's not mine.

I have all mine over here.

Okay, okay, I'll tell you what.

This is what we're gonna do, Carlos.

Because Carlos, see what let me tell you something.

I know you're lying.

See, and what you're doing is you're delivering more than mail at my house.

And I know it, Carlos.

You understand me?

So listen That's not me, dude.

Excuse me?

That's not me.

It can't be me.

Let me tell you something.

When you come on Murphy Road tomorrow, okay, I'm gonna be out there at them by at uh at the mailboxes waiting on you.

For what?

What do you put?

Because me and you gonna have this problem that we got tomorrow morning when you bring the mail.

So when you bring the mail, bring your too.

Okay, Carlos?

Hey, hey, hold on, you threatening me?

I'm telling you, when you bring the mail, bring your too.

No, dude, I didn't come at you like that.

You ain't gotta come at me like that.

Dude.

Hey, man, you came up in my house and I know you said my house.

In my house.

Dude, that was not me.

I don't know where you live.

I don't know who the f you are, but you threaten me, dude.

Dude.

Hey, man, I'll see you in the morning at the mailbox.

Bring your Carlos.

I'm off tomorrow, but I will come to your house with plain clothes on and whoop your what you say.

You wanna f with me?

Hey, you it's owned.

Well you can you ever road I will do Merfey Road.

Bring your because what you're not gonna keep doing is running up in my house while I'm out at work trying to earn a living for my family, and you up in my house laying up and you're leaving your clothes.

I found some mason now.

I guess that's what you use when you spray on Them dogs, I found that too.

I'm gonna bring some extra mace.

I'm gonna spray your with that mace.

I will knock your out.

I took it I'm gonna be on an intimate carlos.

I can't wait till tomorrow.

Excuse me?

I told you.

I I wasn't the one, but if you want to f with me, you wrong for real.

Okay, cool.

When I see you tomorrow, well, I see you tomorrow.

It's old.

It's whatever.

Hey, you threatening me and all that.

I tell you what, I will come over there some plain clothes and we'll be a because you're not gonna make me lose my job, dog.

Okay, but I'm gonna do it.

Whatever it's got to be.

I don't care if you if you're in the post office uniform.

I don't give a damn if you're in your pajamas, Carlos.

But when you come to that mailbox and I find you out there by the mailboxes, that's your man.

Because I know you've been in my house, Carlos.

I'm telling you, I'm there.

Okay, so be it then.

So be it.

I got I got one more thing else I want to tell you when you before you get there.

Tell me what you already called me.

Well, is you listening to me?

Yeah.

Is nephew Tommy from the Steve Albin morning show?

You just got pranked by your co-worker.

Ain't this ain't this a bit

tomorrow?

Carlos, you alright, man?

Ah, dude.

I'm driving pull over to the side of the road.

I'm hanging out the trip.

I'm about to go crazy.

I was on my way to your house right now.

I was on my way to your house.

I just got work.

Damn, that's f survival girl.

Oh man.

Hey, I got one more thing to ask you, man.

What is?

What is the baddest radio show in the land?

Steve Harvey Morning Radio Show.

No doubt all the way.

All mine's clear.