Probation Drug Test Positive

5:49

A probation officer tells Faye her drug test came back positive. She vehemently denies it and demands to speak to her real officer.

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Transcript

153 lines
Speaker 1

Hello.

Speaker 2

Hello, I'm trying to reach a Faye, please.

Speaker 1

This is she.

Speaker 2

Hello, uh, this is Officer Rogers from the uh probation department.

Speaker 1

Yes, sir.

Speaker 2

Listen now, um, you have been uh on probation for a little over a year now, am I right, Faye?

Speaker 1

Yes, sir.

Speaker 1

You're correct.

Speaker 2

Now you're supposed to be serving two years probation?

Two.

Speaker 2

All right.

Speaker 2

Now, um giving you a call, actually, uh bringing you a bit of bad news, and I I hate to do this, but you you came in, Faye, a couple um couple weeks ago and did a did a uh drug test, am I right?

Speaker 1

Uh-huh, I sure did, I did.

Speaker 2

All right, now, Faye, I don't I hate to bring bring you some bad news, but the actual drug test that you took has come back positive.

Speaker 1

Oh, you said lie.

Speaker 1

That's a lie, that's a lie.

Speaker 1

That's a lie.

Speaker 2

Wait a minute.

Speaker 2

Wait a minute.

Speaker 2

Now you came in a couple weeks ago, you took a drug test.

Speaker 2

This drug test has actually come in positive.

Speaker 2

Now, what I want to say to you is this you're gonna have to actually No, sir.

Speaker 1

My check wasn't positive.

Speaker 2

You got the wrong person.

Speaker 2

Hold on a second.

Speaker 2

I either need you to f to come in to me, or I don't and I don't want to save the embarrassment of having to send the car out to pick you up.

Speaker 1

I don't give a damn which embarrassment you're talking about, sir.

Speaker 1

I gave you some and my f was good.

Speaker 1

Ma'am, right now I got you all to say.

Speaker 2

Uh you have a positive drug test.

Speaker 2

You have you you come up positive, ma'am.

Speaker 2

Now you're gonna have to.

Speaker 2

We use the one that you brought us.

Speaker 1

Now Must have been the wrong one.

Speaker 1

Couldn't have been.

Speaker 1

Maybe, sir.

Speaker 1

I'm sorry, sir, but I wouldn't have gave you no bad urine.

Speaker 1

It just wasn't me.

Speaker 1

Ma'am, I don't want to have to jail.

Speaker 1

I don't even know why you would call me with this nonsense.

Speaker 2

I got children.

Speaker 1

I'm trying to do right.

Speaker 1

I don't know why you would call me.

Speaker 1

I wouldn't have gave you no bad.

Speaker 1

That's not me.

Speaker 1

You said a lot.

Speaker 2

Ma'am, listen.

Speaker 2

You actually have to come in and do another three months now.

Speaker 1

Oh, sir.

Speaker 1

Y'all can come pick me up.

Speaker 1

I can f for you right now.

Speaker 1

I can in your hand if you want me to.

Speaker 2

Ma'am, your your urine has come back positive of drugs.

Speaker 2

Now, I don't I don't know any other way to explain it to you.

Speaker 2

You've been actually evidently using drugs again.

Speaker 1

Sir, I'm trying to tell you.

Speaker 1

I don't use no d drugs.

Speaker 1

I've been clean for a year and some months now.

Speaker 1

You got the wrong d that's not my

Speaker 1

telling you that.

Speaker 2

How do you know it's not yours, ma'am?

Speaker 2

It's got your name on the lid, everything.

Speaker 2

You have come back positive.

Speaker 1

Well, evidently you put your name on it, because that ain't my

Speaker 1

would have came back my f would have came back good.

Speaker 1

You can't call me and tell me I gave you some bad.

Speaker 1

Can't call me and tell me that.

Speaker 1

That's a negative, sir.

Speaker 1

That's a double negative.

Speaker 2

It's not a double negative, it's a double positive.

Speaker 2

You've actually come back positive.

Speaker 2

Fay is written here on the actual cup.

Speaker 1

Maybe you have more than one face.

Speaker 2

No, no, we don't have more than one fate.

Speaker 2

You're the only faith.

Speaker 2

I've actually double checked that myself.

Speaker 2

You need to either come in or we're gonna have to come out and haul your behind in here.

Speaker 1

Well, I need you to come right now, because I got the right now.

Speaker 1

Come right now.

Speaker 1

Come out.

Speaker 2

Are you trying to tell me that if I come and pick you up and take your urine now, your urine is gonna come up negative?

Speaker 2

Is that what you're saying?

Speaker 1

I'm telling you that.

Speaker 2

Ma'am, I I hate to uh I I don't want to come out, haul urine in front of your family, but you're actually gonna be coming in and you're gonna do three months.

Speaker 2

That's all I can tell you.

Speaker 1

You got the wrong fate.

Speaker 1

I don't know.

Speaker 1

You got the wrong.

Speaker 1

It's one of the two.

Speaker 1

Might be both.

Speaker 1

You got the wrong, you got the d wrong.

Speaker 1

I'm letting you positive.

Speaker 1

I ain't had no positive.

Speaker 1

I'm trying to tell you, I got kids.

Speaker 1

I mean I I had no positive Listen, ma'am.

Speaker 2

I'm telling you one more time.

Speaker 2

You either want to come in or want me to come and get you.

Speaker 2

Which one?

Speaker 1

Let me tell you what I want you to do.

Speaker 1

I want you to find out who the f you have.

Speaker 1

Because that ain't my d don't call me no b no more and tell me nothing about you got some some that is that is not good.

Speaker 1

I gave you some good.

Speaker 1

How many times I got to f for y'all?

Speaker 1

Y'all keep picking up people, false head kills and folks.

Speaker 1

Y'all had me saying some time, miss my children.

Speaker 1

Now I'm hot.

Speaker 1

I've been giving you blood and you still wanna f with me.

Speaker 1

I'm tired.

Speaker 1

I ain't giving you no bad collie no more with no like that.

Speaker 1

And well is my probation officer.

Speaker 1

You say your name is what my name is Officer Rogers.

Speaker 1

Sir, I don't know, Officer Rogers.

Speaker 1

Like I said, you might be the reason why the came back hot.

Speaker 1

You might be the reason.

Speaker 1

I need to speak with Mr.

Speaker 1

That's my probation officer.

Speaker 1

Officer now.

Speaker 1

I have clean at all times.

Speaker 1

Mr.

Speaker 1

Rogers, you shouldn't be calling me.

Speaker 2

I should be calling you because I'm gonna Eva Deli, I'm gonna have to come down and haul your behind in myself.

Speaker 1

Well, you can bring your f home.

Speaker 1

And when you come, you bring Mr.

Speaker 1

with you.

Speaker 1

He'll let you know I don't have no positive.

Speaker 1

You can come to my job.

Speaker 2

I got uh you got let me know what there's one more there's one more thing and I need to bring your f home.

Speaker 1

Come on right now.

Speaker 1

Come on.

Speaker 2

I got one more thing I need to say to you.

Speaker 2

Are you listening to me?

Speaker 1

What is it, sir?

Speaker 2

This is nephew Tommy from the Steve Harvey morning show.

Speaker 2

You just got pranked by your sister

Speaker 2

Allen.

Speaker 1

I know one thing, y'all played too f much.

Speaker 1

Y'all played too much.

Speaker 1

No positive

Speaker 1

hell out of me.

Speaker 1

Tell me thinking I was doing drugs and didn't know about it.

Speaker 1

Somebody might know.

Speaker 1

I'm gonna need your Not to play with people like that.

Speaker 2

Okay.

Speaker 2

Faye, you all right?

Speaker 1

Hell no, I'm nervous as hell.

Speaker 2

It's your sister.

Speaker 2

She put me up to it, baby.

Speaker 1

Well, when you ever see her, you see what she looked like, I'm gonna beat the hell out of her.

Speaker 2

I got one more question for you, baby.

Speaker 2

You got to tell me this.

Speaker 2

What is the baddest?

Speaker 2

I'm talking about the baddest radio show in the land.

Speaker 1

The Steam Carmen Morning show.