The Church Microphone

We are headed to the media ministry.

Cat dog, if you could.

Hello?

Hello, I'm trying to uh reach Dre.

Andre.

Yeah, this is Andre.

Hey, uh Dre, you the person that runs the uh the media at the church.

You over the sound system and everything and all the um the screens and all that stuff.

Yeah, yeah, I work with the church.

Okay.

Uh how long you been at the church, man.

I probably been at the church for like five years now.

About five years.

Okay.

Okay.

Listen, my name's Doug, man, Doug Newsom.

And uh I haven't I haven't joined the church yet.

But uh I've been coming because my cousin, you know, my uh uh my cousin them go there, they've been going there for quite a bit.

My my cousin uh uh I got I got one cousin that's in the choir, uh Latrice.

You know who Latrice is, right?

Yeah, yeah.

I I know Little Trees.

Doug, you you ain't a member of the church yet?

No, no, I'm not a member of the church yet, but you know, I've I've been in there, you know.

I I'm liking the service and everything, so you know it's just a matter of time, you know, uh uh uh uh when I feel like I'm I'm ready to actually join.

But I I I I ain't gonna lie, man, I'm I'm calling you because I got a uh a bit of an issue about uh about something I I've been noticing for the last three weeks that's been going on in the church.

And I wanted to uh, you know, I had to ask around who was over the media uh media.

Yeah, that's that's you know, man.

Okay, so uh man, I I I don't know what's happening.

Uh in it and and I ain't gonna lie, I gotta be real with you.

It pissed me off.

But uh for the last three weeks, you know, uh when my cousin get ready to sing, you know, I don't know why when she gets up to sing that the mic just go out.

You know what I mean?

The mic just go completely out when she's getting ready to sing.

And I'm like, what?

This don't make no sense, you know.

So, man.

I ain't been, it's not like I'm timing it.

I don't know.

I mean, we don't have the best equipment at the church, you know.

We did we just gotta work with what we got.

I mean, it's not like I'm sitting there trying to single out your cousin.

Sometimes the mics get a glitch, man.

But see, but see, that but see, that's my problem, though.

The problem I'm having is the glitch happening every single time my cousin get the mic.

You know, that's that's the problem I'm having.

I'm like, okay, so every time Latrice get up there to sing, then you know, the mic go out.

I done came three weeks straight.

I I ain't heard my cousin saying nothing yet.

So I'm I I'm calling you, bruh, on on, you know, on some real man-to-man stuff, just letting you know, bro, I'm coming to church again this Sunday.

I'm coming.

Now, if Latrice Mike go out again, hey dog, somebody gonna get the whooped.

You gonna bring that energy to church.

Um say what now?

You gonna bring that energy to church?

I told you, man, it's just a glitch.

Ain't nothing I could do about it.

Okay, what I'm saying though, bruh, what I'm saying is this right here, though.

And I'm being as real as I can, which if if if Latrice Mike go out on Sunday, immediately after that service is over with, somebody getting their ass whooped.

I don't know why you calling threatening a member of the church, man.

Like I said, I ain't got nothing to do with it.

I try to keep everything running cool, you know.

I try to keep it running smooth.

I can't tell you when a glitch is gonna happen.

It's electronics, man.

It's old equipment.

Now I'd love for you to be a member of the church with us, but I can't, I mean, why you calling up here threatening me?

Hey, bruh, because because I I done came up there three times.

Three times I came up there to see my cousin sing, you know.

My cousin's been singing since we was kids.

We all love to hear her sing.

We love her voice, you know.

We we we you know, we grew up listening to Latrice sing.

So what I'm saying, I'm gonna say this here though.

And I said it, I didn't I done say it twice already.

I'm coming up there Sunday.

If if Latrice might go out.

Bro, let me just cut you off real quick.

Ain't no way that you gonna come up here and whoop nobody's ass, man.

That just ain't gonna happen.

Like I told you, it's a glitch, but you ain't coming up to the church talking all this sh and then gonna whip somebody's ass.

That ain't gonna happen.

Okay, so I see where we at now.

So so let me just go on direct it this way.

So let me say this.

From Doug to Andre.

From me to you.

I'm I'm letting you know right now.

Come Sunday, if if Latrice might go out, n not no somebody.

I'm whooping yours, Dre.

I'm whooping yo ass.

If the damn might go out.

Okay.

First off, ain't nobody whooping my ass.

Especially no punk dude named Doug.

He ain't gonna come to the f church and whoop my ass.

That's gonna happen.

Okay.

What what what make you think you can't get your ass whooped, Andre?

What makes me you over here threaten somebody over here with the media?

You wanna come test these hands and come test the hands, man.

You know what?

Matter of fact, when y'all next rehearsal.

I can just come on over there then.

You come on over there, man.

Why don't you come over right now?

I'm over at the church right now.

Oh, so you at the church right now.

I'm at the church right now.

Okay, better.

If you wanna catch this shit,

that's cool.

Okay, hey, hey, hey, son.

Hey, Bob.

Tell DJ then we finna go to the church, dog.

No, no, tell him we finna roll up to this damn church.

Okay?

Come on.

Call all up.

Call all up.

Now you finna get your ass whooped out.

So you done pushed up on the wrong one, nah.

You done pushed up on the wrong one.

So all all this little sh you talk, cool.

You finna have eight dudes come up there and whoop your ass right now.

So Dougie, you could bring Johnny, you could bring Billy, you can bring whoever the f you want, but it ain't gonna happen.

Okay, okay, cool.

In real talk, Doug, you done call me talking all this b how you about to come up here and whoop my ass.

And now you need like seven, eight other guys.

Back in the day we used to just handle this one on one.

And now you wanna come up here talking all that sh you gonna bring every cousin you got in your fing house.

If you wanna do this, man, come up here.

Let's do a one on one.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you scared or something?

Ain't nobody scared, but you're talking that you whooping my ass.

Now you want to bring up every disciple you know, man.

You know what?

Bring whoever you want.

Just don't bring nobody you want back, because I'll put you all down.

Okay.

Well, I'm gonna tell you this here.

I'm gonna bring Tommy with me.

And Tommy's gonna be the one that's gonna act a damn fool with you.

I'm telling you that right now.

Who the Tommy?

So you don't know Tommy.

Nah, I don't know Tommy.

Okay, do you know nephew Tommy from the Steve Harvey Morning Show?

Are you kidding me?

You don't call this number.

Hey, man.

Latrice got me the prank phone call.

You matter fact, the whole choir is in on this, and they know that I am pranking you, Drake.

Man, now you got me down turning up on the radio.

Now I gotta go ask for forgiveness and all that smack I don't talk.

Now comes Sunday, I'm turning everybody's mic off.

Okay, man, I gotta ask you this, Dre.

What is the baddest and I mean the baddest radio show in the land?

You know it's the Steve Harvey morning show.

And yo, Tommy, if I could turn your mic off, I turn that off.

Right.

Turn my cousin mic on.

That's what you're gonna do.

You're gonna get this straight.

All right, coming up next for the nephew.

Uh first of all, let me say St.