Valentine's Delivery

Hello.

Hello, uh, my name is Eric.

I gotta um give you guys a call.

I got a delivery I gotta make sure tomorrow for Valentine's.

For who?

Kendra?

Kendra.

Yeah, Kendra lives here.

That's my wife, but uh I didn't order I didn't order anything for from her for her for Valentine's Day.

Uh I'm supposed to be there between seven and seven thirty.

You guys are the first on my list tomorrow morning for Valentine's, and I got like seven, eight boxes here that's uh that's coming to you all's place.

So uh

let me let me let me ask you this.

Are you at six

West

on Is that you?

Yeah, that's me.

But uh uh uh again there's there must be some clerical error or typo because uh like I just told you, man, I didn't boxes and channels.

Um it's about seven boxes, but I mean it I mean let's just looking at the total here, it adds up to about six hundred something odd dollars.

I mean I got flowers.

No, partner, we just gonna I'm just gonna take her to dinner and we just gonna do our thing.

But there was there was there was no delivery scheduled from me.

No.

Especially not at at seven o'clock in the morning.

No, partner, you gotta there's something wrong.

Well, are you are you still

are you not gonna be there tomorrow morning, sir?

Oh yeah, I'm I'm gonna be here, but uh as far as accepting a a delivery that I didn't order and didn't pay for, that's not happening, man.

Well, let me say this.

I got flowers, two boxes that are lingerie, several boxes that are sex toys.

We have all that stuff.

I have all that stuff loaded to be delivered tomorrow at 7 a.m.

And oh, dude.

Obviously, there's a communication breakdown between you and me, Claire.

Uh, because uh I didn't order that.

And right, but but you're telling me I have the but what the problem I'm having is that you're telling me I have the right address.

You know the name of the person, Kendra, which is your wife, right?

Yeah, yeah.

So far so good, man.

But uh as far as me ordering that, dude, I'm not I'm not I'm not accepting it because I didn't pay for it.

I did not order it.

I mean I mean it's already it's already paid.

Let me let me just look at the name here on the uh here it is.

Here it is right here.

Okay, we got Devin.

Who'd you say?

I said Devin.

That's that's who uh made the purchase.

Oh no, no, no, no, okay.

That's my wife's ex husband.

So either you and him are in cahoots with each other to do this and uh and and try to upset me.

But guess what?

You succeeded.

All right, so I'm gonna make this as plain.

No, no, hang on, hang on, sir.

Hold on, hold on, no, no.

No, I listen to you.

I listen to you, so you listen to me.

This is what I wanna make abundantly clear to you.

I understand you have a job to do, but if you bring those roses and all of that stuff past my house tomorrow, this is what's gonna happen.

Those roses, those thorns, I'm gonna put them somewhere so far up your rear end that the only way that they see sunshine is when you open your mouth.

So do not, I repeat, do not you and Devin, y'all can take this and you can do whatever y'all want with it.

Y'all can play with the sex toys, y'all can do whatever you want to, red roses, petals and all that other stuff.

Y'all can do what you need to.

Do not show up at my crib tomorrow.

Cause it ain't gonna be a happy Valentine's Day for nobody involved.

That's what I'm uh okay.

Well here's the deal.

As a delivery person, I am obligated to make the drop.

I have to make this drop, or then I don't get you know, I get chewed out that I didn't do my job, because that's something.

Okay, so what would what would you rather be chew chewed out or have thorns up your rear end?

Hey, let's slow down.

Let's slow down here.

What you're not gonna do is tell me what you're gonna do to some flexible

Okay, all right, I won't do the flowers, I'll use the sex toys for you.

So you got a choice.

You either got flowers, you sex toys.

Flowers or sex toys.

And I'm trying to be as cool as possible, but you ain't listening to me.

Do not bring a delivery.

Okay, you can drop 'em off at the curb, then you get credit for it, and whoever walked past and up and down the street, they can pick it up.

But do not come to my front door and ring my doorbell asking me to sign and accept nothing.

It ain't to drop them off at the door, sir.

No, no, no.

I'm telling you now, I gotta drop them off at the door.

The problem I'm having is you telling me you gonna stick some flowers up my ass.

Now we got a problem.

Just listening to this whole scenario.

I'm just curious.

Is it possible that maybe Devin does something for her that you don't do?

Hey man, you what what's work where you going at with this?

All I'm telling you is to mind your business and don't make this drop.

Don't you know?

Why am I delivering stuff that Devin Sir?

Don't I just pick up that Devin has purchased for her swear in a few sexual toys?

Why you need to ask Devin because he better not show his face up over here.

You can take it home and give it to your girl if you want to.

I'm not giving my girl anything that I didn't buy for her.

I'm not doing that.

So if you if you're not gonna give your girl anything that you didn't buy for her, why am I gonna accept something for my girl that I didn't buy for her?

I ain't telling you that you gotta accept it.

All I'm saying is, I got to make my delivery.

If you bring it to my house, I gotta accept it.

And I'm telling you now, don't even bring it to my house.

She looks like she looks like obviously she don't like him no more.

She's gonna be an ex employee of the flower delivery person, just like he, her ex-husband.

I'm

gonna bring these boxes.

That's all I got to say.

Two words for you.

I'm bringing these tomorrow.

See, you might as well come on now so you can go home after you get this ass whooping.

Okay, okay, okay.

Let me let me say this.

At the end of the day, I'm gonna say this is Tommy already told me your ass was gonna do something like this.

He told me that.

Who'd you say?

Who that's Tommy already told me you was gonna act like this.

Who the hell is Tommy?

Nephew Tommy, Isaiah.

This is nephew Tommy from the Steve Harvey Morning Show.

And guess what, Isaiah?

Your girl Kendra got me to prank phone call you.

You know what?

You Kendra.

All of y'all could show up tomorrow.

And all of y'all gonna get portions of this Valentine's Day.

You gotta give us a chance to cool down now, man.

To my sweet one and only Kendra with all that is in me.

I love you, baby girl.

To death do us part.

And it almost came early.

But I love you.