Removed from His Aunt's Eulogy

Well.

Yes, I'm trying to reach a brother Keith, please.

Yeah, this is Keith.

Uh Keith, how you doing?

This is Lawrence over at Steel Funeral Home.

Okay.

We are the ones that have the uh doing the funeral for Sister Dolores, and that is uh your honor.

My understanding right?

Yeah, that's Monty.

Okay, and as you know, the funeral is uh this coming Thursday.

Yes, I'll be there Thursday.

Uh I'm giving you a call uh because uh it's been brought to my attention uh

that you are gonna be giving remarks for the funeral.

Is that correct?

Yes, absolutely.

Okay, I wanted to call you because we're getting ready to print the programs for the funeral and let you know that they have taken you off for the remarks uh because they say that you're not going to be.

Oh, hold on, hold on, come on.

You mean what do you mean taking me off?

Well, what I'm saying is they say that you they you're not going to abide by the two three minute rule that they have for remarks, and they want to they've they've taken you off.

And uh uh Who who is they?

Who who hold on?

Come out, come out.

Who what who what's her name again?

Uh Lawrence.

I'm Lawrence.

I'm the actual funeral director.

Lawrence.

And who who told you to take me off?

Uh one of the one of the family members, I'm assuming, is who who uh made the adjustment.

And that an adjustment, that ain't no adjustment.

That's that's changing the whole program.

Who else is on the list?

Uh uh, I mean, there's quite a few family members doing different things uh uh throughout the funeral.

Okay.

So how did you get to my name is what I'm trying to figure out.

But they said that you listen to me.

Listen, listen to me.

Listen to me.

Brother Keith, listen to me.

What they said is that you weren't going to abide by the time.

You weren't going to do your remarks in three minutes or less.

Listen, listen, listen, listen.

My auntie raised me.

She put me through college, and you think I'm finna I'm gonna go up there in her funeral and be under two minutes?

Well,

listen, listen, Brother Keith.

Brother Keith, listen to me.

Normally when we have these funerals, uh people who give remarks, we have them three minutes or less.

Okay, so I I tell you, I tell you what, Mr.

Lawrence, who else on the list?

Is she on the list?

Uh he's on the list.

We have a Sheila, yes, there's a Sheila that's singing.

Take her name off the list.

Take her off the list and put me where she's supposed to be with my turn and her time.

Is is Bobby Jr.

on there too?

I

better not be on there.

Bobby, um, yes, Bobby Jr.

is giving remarks.

That's what?

That's just Dolores', that's Mr.

Lawrence's son, right?

Yes.

Her son, the one that been locked up.

He just got out of jail, truth be told, he the one down there put her in the coach.

You need to take him off the list too.

Give me all that time, because I mean if and I ain't gonna take nothing that my RTC is.

Let me let me just say this to you.

I cannot take Sheila or Bobby Jr.

off.

I can't make any alterations to this program unless they say that I can

you already you already take you already taking people's name off.

You taking my name off.

But they they they orchestrated this though.

Who the f is they?

Who is they?

They finna have a mother problem.

They trying to take me off my auntie program.

Who is they?

Sir, I I'm not gonna get into a family matter, but until they say that you can be on.

Sir, I'm not gonna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna have this this turn out to be bad.

And we want to have a great home going for Sister Deloitte.

Okay.

Damn right.

And if I don't get to say nothing, I guarantee you, I guarantee you it's gonna be a two for one in there.

Somebody else only get their in the coffee, too.

I guarantee you that if I don't get to say nothing at my auntie's funeral, my auntie didn't pay for my damn college.

I didn't put $6,000 in the funeral.

I bet you I tell you this.

I tell you this, Mr.

Lawrence.

I bet you whether I'm on the program or not, I bet you I say what the f I want to, I bet you that much.

You tell they that.

I didn't my auntie didn't put me through college.

I can put money on the funeral.

Call around and see who ain't putting no money on the funeral.

Tell them they can't be on the program.

Man, Keith, they when they decide who who who's on it, if they change the the format, then I will call you back.

Who who the f is they?

That's what I'm trying to get get you understand.

Who is they?

Can I can I tell you something?

And and I don't want you to get too irate, okay?

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Go ahead, man.

Go ahead.

I just want to say this.

Keith with this is nephew Tommy from the Steve Harvey.

Morning.

So you just got pranked.

You just got pranked by your cousin Bobby Jr.

You boo.

I'm Bobby Jr.

up.

I'm kicking Bobby.

I know that.

I miss my blood pressure is all up.

I ain't got time to complain, man.

Take me out

program.

I'm kicking Bobby Ann.

I know that.

Oh.

Bobby said y'all grew up like brothers, man.

And you was that you was basically another son of Mr.

Lord.

Is that right?

Yes, yes, I was, man.

Oh my goodness.

Hey, let me ask you this, man.

What is the baddest, and I mean the baddest radio show in the land?

The Steve Harvey Morning Show.